Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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