Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
