Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
