Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
