CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize