woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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