I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
