Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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