so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
