ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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