Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize