i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
