and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
