I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
