she looked like the bat from fern gully.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
