i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
