Who did Billy Mays play for?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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