she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
