1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
