24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
