So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In America we eat man semen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
