I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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