First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
