you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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