The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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