3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
