reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's blow job season.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
