He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
