is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize