you would pick up someone in the library
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize