Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
