I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
