i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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