when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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