I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
