I skipped work to stalk him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
