Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
