well most of my day revolves around power hour
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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