Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
