I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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