Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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