If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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