Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
