OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
