There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
