i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
