wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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