sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
