I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
