So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize