yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
