You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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