he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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