Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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