Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
