Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want to have your abortion
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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