see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
