i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
