Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
