Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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