So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
