our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
