so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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